"The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray"
I have always prided myself on being quite the ambitious planner. When I make plans my typical response is 'it's on the calendar, and the calendar never lies'. My Google calendar is color coded based on the type of event, my days are broken down into 15min intervals, and I rely on Google tasks for everything from reminding me when my car payment is due to what new face wash I want buy on my next trip to the store. My time is my most valuable resource and I do my best to use it wisely. I suppose I owe the majority of my success thus far to this type of self-control, anxiously filling my days with with work, errands, exercise, and fun. I suppose the reason I do this is because of the juxtaposition between the disciplined part of me that knows what I ought to do and the extroverted part of me that is a social butterfly at heart. The world and the people in it fascinate and excite me. The reason I choose to share my trials and tribulations with those who care is because I surround myself with many interesting and intriguing characters. A pity should I ever find myself in a predictable and mundane routine.
I want to do it all, have it all, live every moment. But what happens when those plans go awry? When you see the happy future and family you imagined for yourself quickly crumble and be swept away in a fury of hate and angry words. I love deeply, and I love passionately, and as I get older I find that starting over again becomes more difficult each time. Fortunately I am resilient and because of my diversified interests and ambitions I know that I will always be ok.
"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. These are the fives stages of grief in the Kubler-Ross model and can be applied to any situation where there is a life-altering or plan interfering disturbance. Over the past few months, when I haven't been writing, I have often found myself passing in and out of these stages both in relation to my personal life and my professional life. Throw the emotions and confusion that come with a late-20's birthday in the mix ('I should be married with 2.5 kids right now!' or 'I should be making $XX per year by now!') and it's no wonder my universe has been out of orbit. But as spring approaches I feel an urgent need to purge the negativity from my thoughts and my life so that I can make room for the good. Spring cleaning just isn't about the physical stuff you know, although I certainly could do with some of that as well since I inexplicably acquired lots of 'stuff' during my various cross-country moves and am finding the floor of my bedroom at my dads often treacherous to navigate.
So I have resolved to get active again and stay positive. Focus on my mental health that I have so often neglected in my haste to reach a deadline at work or go above and beyond to impress my boss, co-workers, friends, boyfriend etc. This means I need to slow down and learn to go with the flow and this terrifies me. I am a firm believer that we are all in control of our own destinies and should I take a break my competitive spirit tells me that I will fall behind and someone else will be better, faster, stronger than me. But I also have had enough life experiences to be able to look back and believe that everything happens for a reason, and it's with this faith that I wake up every morning determined to go the extra inch, not the extra mile. When it's time to go the extra mile, I'll know.
"Never miss an opportunity to be fabulous."
I am grateful for my family, and the firm foundation I have built for myself and my career. I am disappointed that at 27 I find myself single, living at home, and unemployed but I know that things will work out the way they are supposed to. In today's world average is boring, my job is now to stand out and convey to others what makes me unique. I don't know how I can feel so fabulous and yet tragic at the same time, but I am learning to accept it and look forward to each day with excitement and anticipation. More happy and exciting adventures to come!
My inspiration is the fabulous and hilarious video blogger @Jenna_Marbles
1 comment:
I can echo your sentiments completely. Everyday I think about the family and income I envisioned. I probably have more anxiety than you towards it because I'm too connected to social media in my downtime.
As much as we can plan, life never seems to turn out in the way we prepared for. From the brief time I knew you, I could tell you have the drive and personality to traverse the world and everything it has to offer you. It's against our nature to go with the flow, but doing so from time to time may lessen the pressure and anxiety.
Take a breather from time to time to witness your progress. Keep up the positive attitude and hard work. I know you'll have no problem exceeding your expectations of an active and happy lifestyle.
I'll be rooting for you!
On a side note, I am humored that you also have to navigate a treacherous floor. I, too have accumulated a lot of "stuff" with sentimental value over the years.
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