I went in this morning to do my pre-employment drug screening for my new job that I start on Friday. I had been chugging water all morning so that I could 'perform' when necessary. I showed up ready to take care of business only to be informed that my drug test would require a hair sample instead. 'No big deal' I thought, 'they'll yank a couple strands out of my head and that will be that. I lost more in the shower this morning'. I really am a very practical person, and when looking at the big picture this didn't seem like such a big deal.I sat down and proceeded to fill out the paperwork; signing, initialing, dating. Once we were ready to get started the nurse informed me that she would actually be cutting the hair close to the scalp in order to get a sample. Cutting? My hair is currently about 18" long and it's taken me a LONG time to get it this long. Starting to get a little nervous, but really with no other option, she proceeded to ask me where I wanted her to take the hair from. I figured the under/back side was probably the least noticeable so she pinned up my hair and got out the scissors.
One quick snip and it was done and I made the mistake of looking up to see the hair sample. Little did I know they need 80-120 strands in order to perform the test, and the length of my hair only made that number look more dramatic. I was not properly mentally prepared. I quickly looked down at the floor, I thought I was going to throw up. Tears welled up in my eyes and I had to hold my head in my hands to keep it from spinning off my body. A few very slow, long, deep breaths later and I was able to pull myself together. I made sure I didn't look at the sample again until it was safely stowed away in the airtight package. I felt silly afterwards, it's only hair right? It will grow! But I couldn't shake my physical reaction to seeing that chunk of hair in front of me. It might be mostly psychological, but all day today, as I rest my head in my hand, my fingers somehow make their way to the short rough patch of hair in the back of my head and the sick feeling comes back.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
It's Father's Day
Today is Father's Day. If this is news to you stop reading this post right now and go call your pops. In the spirit of the holiday, and having seen about a million posts on social media paying tribute to the big guy, I started thinking about what makes dads so special. I am lucky enough to have a dad who has always supported me and been there for me. I know he's always got my back.
I want to give a special shout out to all the fathers of the females in my generation. It's a well known fact that raising girls can be a challenge for any man but the dads of my generation have done more than just raise us, they have molded us. They told us we could be anything that we wanted to be when we grew up. Most of us were raised in a somewhat middle class house where dad went to work and mom stayed at home with the kids. But our dads told us that we didn't have to be just like mom when we grew up (much to my relief!) but that we could be like dad and be the ones with the career AND hold down the family. Our destiny, should we choose to pursue it, was to do more than cook, clean, and raise the children.
Women today celebrate their independence and take pride in being able to buy things for themselves and support their families. We work hard and we get to enjoy the rewards of our hard work. For better or worse dads, you are the reason the term 'sugar mama' can even exist, a generation ago a woman supporting a man would be unheard of! Our generation of women are challenging men to step up to the plate, to be better husbands, to do more than the stereotypical 'sit on the couch and drink beer and watch sports'. We no longer have to rely on a man to support us. Each day we're decreasing the pay gap that exists between mens and womens salaries. Women are graduating college at a higher rate than men, more women are taking over positions of power in major organizations, and it's all thanks to you dads.
Our generation of women is the first to grow up fully immersed in sports and you never told us we couldn't do something 'because you're a girl'. Even if you were secretly worried we would get hurt you let us play soccer, basketball, baseball etc and some of us were even lucky enough to have you volunteer your time as a coach and mentor. Yea we were never all that good, but the lessons we learned about hard work, competition, and dedication stuck with us throughout our lives. Sports like women's tennis and WNBA were founded by women whose fathers told them to dream big and never stop reaching for their goals, no matter what. Because of this we don't see our gender as a barrier to success.
Yea we didn't always listen to your advice; we wear our skirts too short, stay out too late, date all the wrong guys. But you have been a role model to us from day 1 dad. No one will ever replace you dad, but let's hope that the next generation of fathers, the ones who will someday be our husbands, can raise the high bar that you've set for the next generation of daughters.
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| He's my #1 fan! |
I want to give a special shout out to all the fathers of the females in my generation. It's a well known fact that raising girls can be a challenge for any man but the dads of my generation have done more than just raise us, they have molded us. They told us we could be anything that we wanted to be when we grew up. Most of us were raised in a somewhat middle class house where dad went to work and mom stayed at home with the kids. But our dads told us that we didn't have to be just like mom when we grew up (much to my relief!) but that we could be like dad and be the ones with the career AND hold down the family. Our destiny, should we choose to pursue it, was to do more than cook, clean, and raise the children.
Women today celebrate their independence and take pride in being able to buy things for themselves and support their families. We work hard and we get to enjoy the rewards of our hard work. For better or worse dads, you are the reason the term 'sugar mama' can even exist, a generation ago a woman supporting a man would be unheard of! Our generation of women are challenging men to step up to the plate, to be better husbands, to do more than the stereotypical 'sit on the couch and drink beer and watch sports'. We no longer have to rely on a man to support us. Each day we're decreasing the pay gap that exists between mens and womens salaries. Women are graduating college at a higher rate than men, more women are taking over positions of power in major organizations, and it's all thanks to you dads.
Our generation of women is the first to grow up fully immersed in sports and you never told us we couldn't do something 'because you're a girl'. Even if you were secretly worried we would get hurt you let us play soccer, basketball, baseball etc and some of us were even lucky enough to have you volunteer your time as a coach and mentor. Yea we were never all that good, but the lessons we learned about hard work, competition, and dedication stuck with us throughout our lives. Sports like women's tennis and WNBA were founded by women whose fathers told them to dream big and never stop reaching for their goals, no matter what. Because of this we don't see our gender as a barrier to success.
Yea we didn't always listen to your advice; we wear our skirts too short, stay out too late, date all the wrong guys. But you have been a role model to us from day 1 dad. No one will ever replace you dad, but let's hope that the next generation of fathers, the ones who will someday be our husbands, can raise the high bar that you've set for the next generation of daughters.
Friday, June 07, 2013
Nike Women's Half Marathon: 10th Anniversary
I registered the other day to run the Nike Women's Half Marathon in San Fran with my roomie from Florida Erin. It will be her first and my second, and pretty much just a good excuse for us to see each other again! Training starts end of July but I should prob start doing some short runs before then. I'm excited and intimidated... This is gonna be hard work. What I'm most looking forward to is the finish line, not only bc that means it will be over but they have handsome guys that give you a Tiffany's necklace upon completion! If that doesn't motivate you to finish strong then I don't know what will lol. More posts and updates to come as training begins. Here's my training motivation for the day.
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
A Workout Diva's Heaven
In case you didn't know from my one of my previous posts... I LOVE to Zumba. There's nothing that brings me more joy or can flip my mood faster. Except a puppy... did I mention I want a puppy? Anyways, I have found the perfect place in Portland to do Zumba and I love it so much that I took a once-a-week job as a receptionist just to pay for my obsession. The place I work is called the Diva Den and it's a women's only fitness studio that I tried years ago when I first moved to Portland. The place is decorated like a salon and somehow manages to always smell nice despite the fact that everyone sweats their face off in there. They even have awesome black lights and special effects in the dance studio so that you feel like you're getting down with your bad self at the club. I like to sing along in the mirror while I dance and pretend I'm Shakira. I feel so fortunate that I get to try out all their fun classes and am always blown away by the quality of the instructors. This place is top notch!
With bikini season right around the corner I have been working my booty off to get back in shape. I have kind of neglected my fitness routine over the last few months in favor of finishing my grad program (priorities) so it was high time to get back into the swing of things. One of the beauties of living on the West Coast is that you never know when someone might be like 'let's go to Vegas next week' and I want to be ready! (any takers?) While CrossFit seems to be all the rage right now, and just about every I know has at least tried it, it just isn't for me. I have a lot of respect for those that do it but unless there is something specific that I am training for I find it hard to get motivated to go. I like pushing myself and lifting weights but I prefer to do high reps of light weights and lots of cardio. I will never be a skinny girl so I focus instead on getting tight.
In just about a month I have been able to loose about a half inch everywhere by taking these classes and making better food choices. I don't know how much weight I've lost because I don't like to stress over the number on the scale (muscle weighs more than fat) but I can tell you that I'm seeing more definition and am able to fit back into some of my clothes that had become too tight. I'm sure if I were to stop drinking I would see even better results but let's be honest here... wine is what keeps me young, social, and sane.
The video below is of the fabulous and talented Gina Grant, one of my instructors and also my inspiration. She was my first ever Zumba instructor back in the day at 24 Hour Fitness in the Pearl. Be jealous.
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| Some of the classes offered at the studio |
In just about a month I have been able to loose about a half inch everywhere by taking these classes and making better food choices. I don't know how much weight I've lost because I don't like to stress over the number on the scale (muscle weighs more than fat) but I can tell you that I'm seeing more definition and am able to fit back into some of my clothes that had become too tight. I'm sure if I were to stop drinking I would see even better results but let's be honest here... wine is what keeps me young, social, and sane.
The video below is of the fabulous and talented Gina Grant, one of my instructors and also my inspiration. She was my first ever Zumba instructor back in the day at 24 Hour Fitness in the Pearl. Be jealous.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Learning to Go with the Flow
"The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray"
I have always prided myself on being quite the ambitious planner. When I make plans my typical response is 'it's on the calendar, and the calendar never lies'. My Google calendar is color coded based on the type of event, my days are broken down into 15min intervals, and I rely on Google tasks for everything from reminding me when my car payment is due to what new face wash I want buy on my next trip to the store. My time is my most valuable resource and I do my best to use it wisely. I suppose I owe the majority of my success thus far to this type of self-control, anxiously filling my days with with work, errands, exercise, and fun. I suppose the reason I do this is because of the juxtaposition between the disciplined part of me that knows what I ought to do and the extroverted part of me that is a social butterfly at heart. The world and the people in it fascinate and excite me. The reason I choose to share my trials and tribulations with those who care is because I surround myself with many interesting and intriguing characters. A pity should I ever find myself in a predictable and mundane routine.
I want to do it all, have it all, live every moment. But what happens when those plans go awry? When you see the happy future and family you imagined for yourself quickly crumble and be swept away in a fury of hate and angry words. I love deeply, and I love passionately, and as I get older I find that starting over again becomes more difficult each time. Fortunately I am resilient and because of my diversified interests and ambitions I know that I will always be ok.
"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. These are the fives stages of grief in the Kubler-Ross model and can be applied to any situation where there is a life-altering or plan interfering disturbance. Over the past few months, when I haven't been writing, I have often found myself passing in and out of these stages both in relation to my personal life and my professional life. Throw the emotions and confusion that come with a late-20's birthday in the mix ('I should be married with 2.5 kids right now!' or 'I should be making $XX per year by now!') and it's no wonder my universe has been out of orbit. But as spring approaches I feel an urgent need to purge the negativity from my thoughts and my life so that I can make room for the good. Spring cleaning just isn't about the physical stuff you know, although I certainly could do with some of that as well since I inexplicably acquired lots of 'stuff' during my various cross-country moves and am finding the floor of my bedroom at my dads often treacherous to navigate.
So I have resolved to get active again and stay positive. Focus on my mental health that I have so often neglected in my haste to reach a deadline at work or go above and beyond to impress my boss, co-workers, friends, boyfriend etc. This means I need to slow down and learn to go with the flow and this terrifies me. I am a firm believer that we are all in control of our own destinies and should I take a break my competitive spirit tells me that I will fall behind and someone else will be better, faster, stronger than me. But I also have had enough life experiences to be able to look back and believe that everything happens for a reason, and it's with this faith that I wake up every morning determined to go the extra inch, not the extra mile. When it's time to go the extra mile, I'll know.
"Never miss an opportunity to be fabulous."
I am grateful for my family, and the firm foundation I have built for myself and my career. I am disappointed that at 27 I find myself single, living at home, and unemployed but I know that things will work out the way they are supposed to. In today's world average is boring, my job is now to stand out and convey to others what makes me unique. I don't know how I can feel so fabulous and yet tragic at the same time, but I am learning to accept it and look forward to each day with excitement and anticipation. More happy and exciting adventures to come!
My inspiration is the fabulous and hilarious video blogger @Jenna_Marbles
Saturday, January 05, 2013
Another First
My coworker wanted to take me to an authentic BBQ joint and I think it was purely for their own entertainment. The fun started with ordering drinks, everyone at the table ordered sweet tea, I ordered hot tea (it was cold out!). Then came the menu, of course it took me the longest to make up my mind because there were so many thing I had never tried before. I didn't know you could cook beef in so many different ways! There were wooden beams on the wall that had all these strange markings on them, like code, and the there would be either a family or farm name under each set of markings. I learned that those are the marks they brand the cows with before they are killed and served here at this restaurant. I'm not a vegetarian but seeing the brands just made the whole eating a live animal thing a little to real for me. One of the things I had never tried was okra so we ordered a basket of fried okra for the table an it was tasty! Kind of like small bites of deep fried zucchini. I ended up settling on the 'sloppy pork' recommended by one of my coworkers, which was basically just a pulled pork sandwich with a side of baked beans. It was very tasty, but more than anything I loved the BBQ sauce they had at the table; regular was in a clear bottle, spicy was in a recycled mustard bottle, and honey was in a recycled honey bottle. While I was enjoying my meal the Sheriff came in to the restaurant, THE sheriff. It was like something out of a movie, everyone knew him. He made me nervous, so I just tried to keep out of his line of sight. All in all it was a great experience and the food was good, I can't say that I'll go back because the restaurant was a little out of the way and it just wasn't my type of environment. I'm glad I tried it and I thank my coworkers for helping me through it and not laughing too hard at my BBQ naivety.
Thursday, January 03, 2013
Don't Forget to be Grateful
Today I was reminded that I need to be grateful for all of the wonderful people who are in my life and I want to keep those people close. I often am hard on myself and when I don't meet my goals I get very frustrated and down on myself. But it is not the end of the world, I am still healthy and able.
Today I found out that one of my co-workers lost her 16 year old daughter, only child, and best friend. She went in just before Christmas to have her tonsils removed and in the days following developed a blood clot in her lungs. She was rushed to the hospital unconscious and unable to breathe and was put on life support. Only a couple days later she began hemorrhaging and passed away on New Years Eve, only a week after the surgery.
This tragic event is a stark reminder that anything can happen to anyone at anytime, I don't want to take one second for granted. The grief that her mother must feel weighs heavy on me and I know there is nothing I can do to ease her suffering. Keep the people you love close and remember that when you look back, it is the love and relationships that you will remember and not the misfortune and difficulties that seem to occupy your thoughts in the present.
May God bless and keep Courtney Brown and comfort her mother and family she left on this earth.
Today I found out that one of my co-workers lost her 16 year old daughter, only child, and best friend. She went in just before Christmas to have her tonsils removed and in the days following developed a blood clot in her lungs. She was rushed to the hospital unconscious and unable to breathe and was put on life support. Only a couple days later she began hemorrhaging and passed away on New Years Eve, only a week after the surgery.
This tragic event is a stark reminder that anything can happen to anyone at anytime, I don't want to take one second for granted. The grief that her mother must feel weighs heavy on me and I know there is nothing I can do to ease her suffering. Keep the people you love close and remember that when you look back, it is the love and relationships that you will remember and not the misfortune and difficulties that seem to occupy your thoughts in the present.
May God bless and keep Courtney Brown and comfort her mother and family she left on this earth.
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